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Prehistoric Stimpy (transcript)
Episode: Prehistoric Stimpy episode begins at the museum, Kids sees the dinobones and Ren and Stimpy sees the biggest dinobone. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen This is the world-famous museum of natural history. Home of the skeletal remains of the mightiest creatures that ever walked the face of the Earth. The great beasts known as... dinosaurs. Stimpy: Wow, Ren, look how big it is! Ren: Come on, I'll race you to the top. goes to top of the dinobone. Stimpy: No, Ren, stop! We could get in trouble! jumps on the dinobone. Ren: Whee! Yahoo! Whee! Wilbur Cobb: Hold it, girlie! That ain't no diving board! Now get down from there, you're scaring the nuns. Ren: Chiggers! was chattering the teeth and Ren runs at Stimpy. Wilbur Cobb: You wait right there! I'll be down... in a jiffy. dinobones are falling down the floor. Wilbur Cobb: Whoa! Wow! (giggles) Now look what I made ya do, you made a mess of ol' Johnny here. and Stimpy screams. Nuns were screaming too and runs off. Wilbur Cobb: Crag-nabbit, now you did scare the nuns. bonks on Ren's head. Wilbur Cobb: Hmm... So, you boys like dinosaurs, do ya? looks at Stimpy. Ren & Stimpy: Uh-huh. Wilbur Cobb: Well then, you came to the right place. Wilbur H. Cobb, dinosaur tour guide at your service. And this is the largest of all dinosaurs. The Stimpysaurus, the stupidest creature that ever lived. to Stimpysaurus skeleton. Ren & Stimpy: Wow! Ren: Hey, you told me you were the stupidest one ever. Hand it over. looks at "Purple brain: Stupidest person" and Ren gives the purple brain ribbon and he throws it away. Wilbur Cobb: Yes sir, that ol' Stimpysaurus was a giant among giants. At the missile of our mammals. (giggles) Give me a sec. Egads, it's hot in here. Now, where was I. Oh yeah, now you can't tell the story of the Stimpysaurus without going back. Back, way back. Back! Way, way, back! Back to when the Earth was in its infancy. offscreen Still in diapers. It was a hot world, it was a wet world, it was a hot wet world. Now back then, life was just single celled organisms, each with their own unique method of stimulating reproduction. cell farts and Ren cell slaps Stimpy cell and Stimpy cell will rip to half to double and Two stimpy cells farts at Ren cell. Wilbur Cobb: Yes, it may seem cruel. Such is nature's way. But as the saying goes, if you wanna make a cake, you've gotta bust a few heads! (laughs) Yep... life was about to venture into the unknown and take to land. Nuns: Oooh.... Ahhh... Cobb goes off the water. Wilbur Cobb: That's when the slimy sea scum took its first steps out of the water. scream and runs off. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen Thus started the quest for air. The quest propelled a little guppy to stand... up... up to that point, life had been an evolutionary crapshoot. fish has tries to put arms and legs was out of the water and walk on. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen But by sheer happenstance and against all odds, a miracle occurred. A lowly Stimpyfish bravely took to land. This was the single, most important, evolutionary event, to date. falls into the Tar Pit. Wilbur Cobb: laughs What a dope! titlecard says "Another 150 Billion Years Later". Wilbur Cobb: But ol' Pappy nature... fish walks on. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen ...is a persistent cuss and wasn't about to give up that easy. fish runs off to the back and stay away from Tar Pit. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen Well, what do ya know? He made it! puts his hat on and smiles, and a Massive transitus drives over Stimpyfish. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen Fossil records show that this specimen was an evolutionary dead end. Wilbur Cobb: I-I tell ya, it wouldn't hurt a lot less to jump in that tar pit, instead of getting hit by a bus. (laughs maniacally) Stimpy: Whillikers. Ren: Ah, that's a load of crap. There weren't buses in those days. Wilbur Cobb: Crap?! Were you there?! Huh?! Were ya?! (muttering) Ya corn-fed young punky, young wipe-it-alls. No buses, huh? What do ya call that? to Massive transitus. Ren looks at Stimpy. Wilbur Cobb: Now where was I? Oh yeah! offscreen In time, nature flourished. The world was soon rich with fauna and flora of all types. Life was good. Life was hard. pterosaur flies over, with a screaming. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen Life was a constant battle. And in this battle, one beast reigns supreme! are look shocked. Renasaurus was here, the lightning strikes. Close-up to Ren Rex and zooms out to the smallest Ren Rex, All the dinosaurs are laughing at tiny Renasaurus, Stimpysaurus stomps at Tiny Ren Rex. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen One beast was Stimpysaurus! His roar spread echoes of fear throughout the land! Stimpysaurus: Happy, happy... duh, joy, joy! Wilbur Cobb: offscreen This creature actually had an hand in nurturing the rise of man! sign says "Treeassic Period (1975 BC - 1 MILLION $)" Wilbur Cobb: offscreen It was in the Treeassic Period. So named because the Stimpysaurus evolved the habit of living in trees. This babe here proved beneficial to early man in many ways, and provided them shelter from the storm. strikes at Stimpysaurus and falls out and burns for fire, Tiny Rens were warming themselves on the fire. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen And, it gave them... fire. Yes, friend to mankind, always nice to his mother, never wrote a bad check. This majestic mountain of might ruled over all he surveyed. But alas, this creature too fell victim to the insidious... tar pits. Wilbur Cobb: And that's all she wrote. (chuckles) She really did. Heck of a nice guy. Why think marty Stimpy within.. Stimpy: Uh, well then, how did the other dinosaurs become extinct? Wilbur Cobb: Now that's a very good question, punky. There are many theories about how that came to pass. offscreen Some say it was the coming of the Ice Age. Others think it was a comet... was covered with ice and comet comes at the Earth and earth explodes. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen ...that killed the dinosaurs. While some others claimed they ran out of food. Wilbur Cobb: But I'll let you in on a little secret. Just between you, me and the chiggers... I know what really killed the dinosaurs. offscreen TV, too much dead-brained TV! Turned 'em into a whole lotta--into a bunch of slack-jawed zombies. Then they all drank out of a dirty dog dish, disgusting habit. Wilbur Cobb: Oh no, no, sorry, it was a, a 'cause they all moved to Jersey. Yeah, that's it! Haircuts! They all got bad haircuts! Ren: I still say this is a load of crap. That's all he gives us. Crap. Crap, crap, crap. Man, I'm bored. Wilbur Cobb: Then they went and ate clams in a month without an 'R'! Without an 'R', yet! As a union man, local 842, I find that shocking! Positively shocking! takes Wilbur Cobb's facial features while he continues to talk. Stimpy then puts them on himself. Stimpy: Look, Ren! (imitating Wilbur Cobb) Hi, girlies! Blah blah blah blah blah! This and that! Blah blah blah blah blah! (coughs) angrily rips Wilbur Cobb's nose off Stimpy and beats him with it. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen Then, they all went swimming, just minutes after they'd eaten. No, they thought they were Superman and jumped off a building! Wilbur Cobb: Ran around with scissors in their hand. Then, poked their eyes out with grapefruit spoons. Athlete's foot! No, hemorrhoids! Really bad hemorrhoids! was chewing grass. Wilbur Cobb: offscreen Ooh, ooh, I know! They sneezed, coughed, and belched at the same time and all exploded! sneezed, farts and belch and explodes, Fades to Ren & Stimpy. Stimpy: Wahh. Ren: It'll all be over soon, pal. Wilbur Cobb: Well, it was a Peruvian butt plug, yeah, yeah! And they all had to eat each other to survive. That's what happened. Heh heh, yeah. has a saw. Super heated gases, shrunk their lungs to the size of raisins, and the kid on the top bunk died! catches Wilbur Cobb with a net. Police: Hold it! Don't listen to this guy, kids. Heh, heh, heh. He ain't nothing but a lowly bone-polisher around here. Back to polishing, Cobb. Wilbur Cobb: Oh no! No, it was me! I killed the dinosaurs! (laughs maniacally) Me, I did it! (laughs) With my bare hands! The mighty Cobbasaurus! (laughs) I ran 'em over with my truck! (laughs) Stimpy: Gee, what a funny man, Ren. And he was so smart, too. Ren: Feh, who needs to hear from him when you have me, a perfect specimen of evolutionary progress? Now come on, Stimpy, I'm hungry. Let's go get a taco. head was on Stimpy's body and Stimpy's head was on Ren's body and walks up to a tar pit and Ren and Stimpy falls down to tar pit. The iris was closing completely at the end of the episode. Category:Episode Transcripts